An Indepth Look Into A Geek's Soul

So, I've been thinking a lot lately about the usual stuff, you know, Life, The Universe, and Everything.  But Everything also involves a good section of myself as well, and thinking about myself is one thing that I find so easy to do but at the same time, I really hate doing it.  I have this awesome ability to be blind to everyone else's problems, but to tear open mine like it's a piece of wet paper.  Not only do I tear them open, I also tend to create entirely new ones that don't even exist.  I just pluck them out of the air, like I was some pessimistic wizard of immense power.

Now, I'm not sure why I'm writing about this right now.  It's a wonderful day out right now, and I really should be outside doing something... outdoorsy.  Like riding my bike.  Actually, I probably will do that in a bit to be honest.  Until then, I'll just be emo for a bit and listen to Pandora.  I might be thinking like this because I'm paranoid.  Seriously, I'm a lot more paranoid than almost all of you will realize.  You may not know this, but I'm actually the cause for all of your problems.  It's my fault, in some weird, totally indirect way.  It was me.  I'm sorry about it all too.  I just can't pin problems on other people, I have a hard time doing it.  You could clearly be in the wrong, but it's my fault.  It's my fault that Amanda broke up with me, my fault that I have no confidence, and my fault for a great many things that have happened to my closer friends.  Crazy, isn't it?

Yeah, see, you're probably smiling right now, cause you think that the last little bit you just read was rather sarcastic and silly and over the top.  But he's the terrible truth:  I wasn't being sarcastic there. Like, not even a little bit.  Honest.  I really do think Amanda broke up with me becasue I wasn't a good enough boyfriend (which I wasn't) and now she hates me because of it.  No, I don't dwell on it as much as I had been known to, but it still creeps up on me.  You know, I still sleep with the bunny I bought her for our 2 year anniversary.  Crazy isn't it?  2 years.  And we almost made it that entire time.  Just like, 5 days away.  She says it's okay to call it 2 years, I think that's kind of cheating, but I'll do it because it makes me feel like I have accomplished something.  Haha, I'm a wreck.  I need to go find a new girl.  Now if only I could talk to one with freezing up....

I think I'll go submit this entry to failblog now...

Peace Out.